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you know, visiting this site still makes me really sad. it's not about the art anymore (i've complained about this before, but i'm taking a more trained approach these days)... i mean it is, but only sort of. there are lots of great artists that get noticed if you dig deeply enough, and prop them up (instead of giving them completely useless llama badges >:/), but still, mostly, it's the stars that make home page, whether they finished their freaking work or not... because most of their work was done whoring themselves incessantly and i never had time or desire to do that. thought my art would carry itself only to find out like so many others that it's a popularity contest here on deviantart and also in the fineart world (which is sick in its own way--full of high-status addicts, purchasing millions of dollars worth of literal fecal crap with a famous name attached).

i also heard that deviant was watching to see if you were thanking your favers and commenters and that boosted your "status" somewhat as a "nice person." i apologize deeply to all of mine but, when i first signed on back in 2003, i was uploading so much, so quickly, just to back up my harddrive online, that i felt it asinine to respond to EVERY SINGLE comment and fave. turned out to hurt me in the long run. balls if i knew. i thought it was just like that.

HOWEVER, i understand now that i am cursed like Salieri in Amadeus. very much so. but at least you guys, you loyal, awesome, dedicated few fans don't actually make fun of me.

AND like the bruce lee quote goes: "it's like a finger pointing towards the moon. *SLAP* dont pay attention to the finger or you'll miss the glory of the moon." i'm just the finger, honestly. these things i give unto thee freely. just like you do. much admiration to you all. if you want to talk about it, i'm ALL EARS, darlings. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
sometimes... i pull up the old art in the gallery. i stare at it as if i was someone else and try to psychoanalyze the artist. i did notice something.

i used to draw strong-looking girls. sailor senshi in their primes, staring down the enemy. i had kick ass characters. they died... yeah. on the vine, too. it's pretty sad. i should probably mourn them. i see no reason to resurrect them.

i stopped doing the things i love. i had kids. a bunch of them. i love them... of course... i don't want to place blame. i can't really, in the big picture, if i had continued to pour energy into my art, i wouldn't have such gaps (that i fall through and drown beneath). i put that energy into my family... which is now tearing itself apart. often, though, i really feel that my art could have been better supported in just about every way. i had to build those supports myself, shaky and stupid, and they make me feel so sad... so alone. so stupid. so... so... stupid.

god this is hard.

anyway... i've been trying to build up the strength for months to commit to coming back to drawing STRONG WOMEN. no more little girls hiding in the bushes. no more submission. no more scratches on the skin... for my own enjoyment and courage to grow. because i'm growing whether i like it or not... and i must guide myself somehow. being guided by others has gotten me approximately nowhere besides absolute hell itself.

so here it is. i'm gonna scratch and claw. i'm gonna hurt people. i'm gonna take his head off. i never wanted to do that... forgiveness is way better than revenge... but i come with them both.
i realized all my sketches are open wounds.
thank you.

i was thinking on why my art isn't popular anymore. it was hot shit when sailor moon was hot shit. now disney's ice queen BM is what you're all excited over. call me an old lady that can't keep up with the times. i don't care. i'm going to stick with what rings true for me, illustrating what registers in my soul. not selling out for the whippersnappers. so contrived and kitchy... obnoxious. go "shine" elsewhere. i prefer heat.
okay, so the Art n' Soul gallery didn't open in october. two arson attacks on the display window made it kind of useless. BUT FEAR NOT, we have a new location in allentown and we are tentatively slotted to open up in january. keep your eyes peeled for the details and your fingers crossed that no one tries to blow it up this time.
Art n' Soul Tattoo is opening this October in South Bethlehem.

My art will be gracing the windows and walls for the grand opening on the 5th and throughout the month!

THAT'S AWESOME!!

also, there will be originals and prints for sale, so make plans to come see me on the fifth and support!
i had to get a myspace profile in order to get some things done for the tattoo shop. *cringe* but since the dye is cast... won't you be my friend?
<a href=www.myspace.com/valkyriechan>Valkyriechan's Myspace
www.myspace.com/valkyriechan
all of you who have been expecting artwork from me must know that i have been very busy. i apologize deeply to all of you but check this out. i've been apprenticing (quite quickly, by the way) from #1 tattoo artist in the lehigh valley--so this is a good thing.

you can still expect the good ol' traditional shtuff from me but enjoy the ink! and if you want some in you, i'll hook you up if you hit me up.

I LOVE TATTOOING!!!!!
well, they're not exactly full color.... and they're about three months later than i had promised.... but my sketchbook scans should hold you rabid beasts over.

9_9

my computer is still not online. no excuses, it's just that i am at other people's whims.

sorry, and enjoy.
oh how long of an art break i took! rest assured some new full color pieces are soon to come.

and thanks, guys, for sticking with me. your support has been tremendous!
things i can't stand:

internet slang that cannot be pronounced orally. it makes me wonder how these people really talk, or if they do at all because it is a language that can only be spoken in the brain.... after it explodes. the first time i read "teh" i really thought it was a typo. the second time i thought, "oh no... '!!!1' has evolved." then i read someone type "meh" referring to themselves and people were talking about fucking fluffy "bunnehs" and "kittehs" and "pwn"ing eachother and my mind IS FUCKING BLOWN. it's old news now but it's gotten to the point where people expect me to think in this language and i feel violated and forced to be dumbed-down. i don't dumb-down language for my children--or anyone else's children for that matter. WTF IS WITH YOU PEOPLE. GO PAWN YOURSELVES.

people that thief art....... THEN SELL IT. YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!! I HOPE YOUR LIVES ARE HELL! this is what i would say to the dickfaces that auction(ed) print outs of my artwork on ebay. i never exposed them because i'm not in the business of ruining lives but i hope one day someone SHOOTS THEIR PUPPEHS. FUCKERS.

mediocre artists that sell their art/prints for INSAAAANE prices. have a little modesty--you know who you are. you assholes make me want to puke all over the world because i HATE YOU!! why don't you sign with marlboro and draw fucking MARLBORO ANIME CHICKS cuz you are being GREEDY. don't even tell me it's to feed your children because you submit something EVERYDAY it's ALL YOU DO and you're NOT IMPROVING and you're PROBABLY not poor cuz if you were, LIKE ME, you might have a sense of humility and HUMANITY.

i'm biting my tongue really hard here trying not to be too evil myself but i just can't take it anymore!

thank you.
:lonely:

:cries:

:sniff:

:pray:

:cake:

:shocked:

:happycry:

:boogie:

:floating:
a lot of comments have been left from people wanting to see my work colored. news flash i have no supplies whatsoever--my daughter doesn't even have a crayon and i'm not ABOUT to start using MSpaint with a mouse. so forget it until things get better--oh wait the world is ending soon? forget it all then. i'm retiring to prepare for the end times.

Devious Journal Entry

Sat Jul 2, 2005, 2:22 AM
manga writing challenge

i'm feeling especially depressed right now and i feel like tossing out all my manga ideas.

so here's the challenge for those who love me:
i don't care what you write just as long as it's original and cool or cute or funny and uses these characters. members.fortunecity.com/chibir…


i'm doing this because i have evaluated my life and one of the big things that i need to upgrade is my book. i hate the storyline because i can't describe it in one sentence. i've already changed it so many times that it doesn't really mean much to me anymore. so i'm curious to see what else can come of it. and i'm asking whoever to do whatever because i don't have the energy myself now.

it's shattered.
it's a girl and she's here! her name is Teah Rianne. she looks just the same as maya did as a newborn but skinnier and with dimples. she's a preemie. born on may 20th. i was really sick... violently ill so i went to the hospital. they heard her decreasing heart rate and did an emergency cesarian immediately. they said it only really took thirty seconds. weird. it's a trade-off, i think: the pain of labor vs the pain of recovering from a c-section. i feel bad for the women who have the labor and push and push and push for hours then they have a c-section anyway. that's rough.

but anyway, we're all fine now. i can move but not quickly. i still haven't taken maya out to play because if she runs away from me i'll never catch her. scary. so she's being a normal terrible two year old with cabin fever. absolutely lovely. *rolling eyes here* she loves her sister to death though! really, she hugs her and i get scared.

that's all i had to say. i'm going to lay down and do nothing again.
with the help of brain enhancing materials i can see clearly into hollywood's future. in the near future these are the movies you're going to see:

predator vs. terminator

terminator vs. gremlins

gremlins vs. critters

critters vs. the newer godzilla

godzilla vs. original godzilla

godzilla vs. the zombies from resident evil

the resident evil zombies vs. the dawn of the dead zombies

dawn of the dead zombies vs. "KLATU VERATO NECKTIE!" evil dead.
"what's the buzz tell me what'sa happenin?"
"why should you want to know? don't you mind about the future. don't you try to think ahead. save tomorrow for tomorrow. think about today instead.
i could give you facts and figures--even tell you plans and forcasts--even tell you where i'm goin.
why should you want to know-- why are you obsessed with fighting? times and fates you can't defy. if you knew the path we're riding, you'd understand it less than i."
--jesus, jesus christ superstar

feeling particularly hopeless toady. have less than a week to figure out where i'm going to place my family. eviction's on the 23rd. would have had another 60 days had i enough energy to walk two hours to the courthouse and appeal to my eviction.
mom says we can live with her.... but she hasn't talked to dad about it. didn't get the preapp for public housing in the mail today. i have to strength. and i'm sad. and scared.

but... it'll all be okay. just another season of suffering. gotta love the season you're in.

i was invited out tonight. to watch my friends play magic till the wee hours. that's boring as hell. i want to go out and have fun and be happy. *snf* i don't have the energy to try. i need a spirit bomb.
"everyday the world begins again
sunny skies or rain
come and follow me
every sunrise shows me more and more
so much to explore
come and follow me
every mornin
every day
every evenin
callin me away....
as the world goes round i'll still be found
followin the sound
somethin's callin me
when the world goes drifting back to bed
mem'ries fill my head
wonders follow me
every mornin
every day
every evenin
callin me away..."
-uncle mat and nephew gobo fraggle

"i'm
always here, i'm
never there, i'm
never, ever, anywhere
except in here
cuz here is where i'm in.
and when i go from
here to there, my
here comes with me
everywhere
until there is here
and here is where i've been."
-wembley fraggle
time to drag myself to the doctors. i'm about five months pregnant. it's gonna be another fun ride...